Living in the `divorce belt’
Living in the `divorce belt’ Divorce happens more often in the South than in other regions of the nation. Atlanta divorce lawyer John Mayoue attempts to explain why in his new book.
Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
February 9, 2005
By: Rhonda Owen
Southerners still believe in getting married and living happily ever after with a Prince or Princess Charming, but statistics say many fail to realize that dream.
The irony lies in that the unquestioned expectation of happily-ever-after may contribute to the harsher reality – that Southerners divorce at higher rates than less-idealistic residents in other parts of the United States. So believes John Mayoue, an Atlanta divorce lawyer and author of Southern Divorce (PSG Books, $19.95).
The South – traditionally known as a Bible Belt region – has become the “divorce belt,” according to a 2001 Barna Research Group study. In the South, 35 percent of adults who have been married have also been divorced, the study said. The region in which divorce is least likely is the Northeast (28 percent).
In 1998, data from the U.S. Census Bureau and the National Center for Health Statistics revealed that Arkansas was No. 3 in the nation in the number of divorces – averaging 6.5 divorces per 1,000 people. (Arkansas’ marriage rate of 15.1 per 1,000 people is almost twice the national rate of 8.3.) Oklahoma wasn’t far behind with 6 divorces per 1,000. The national average was 4.2 per 1,000.
Nine states in the Northeast averaged 3.5 per 1,000. The reasons listed for the high rate of divorce in the South, relative to the Northeast, were: More couples are married at a younger age.
Lower household income.
Lower percent of Catholics, a denomination that doesn’t recognize divorce. Barna’s study showed that 21 percent of Catholics divorced compared with 29 percent of Baptists.
“I don’t buy any of those explanations,” Mayoue says. “I think it’s Southern idealism that is the greatest contributor. We grow up to believe that marriage is the ideal relationship.
“When we find out it isn’t, in many Southern states we can file a no-fault divorce easier than getting a driver’s license.”
In his book, he addresses the why of Southern divorce, although the book primarily functions as a guide for people seeking or considering a divorce. It explains the legal process and issues, as well as the emotional and logistical elements – specifically “successful divorce.”
Mayoue knows more than a bit about the topic, having been a lawyer for more than 25 years and having a practice that focuses solely on divorce cases. Among those he has represented have been high-profile clients like actress Jane Fonda; Marianne Gingrich, ex-wife of former House speaker Newt Gingrich; and Marianne Rogers, ex-wife of country singer Kenny Rogers.
“I know it seems strange to say successful divorce, but that’s what we’re thinking of,” Mayoue says. “People get angry, people get lost in the process of the courts and they lose everything. This could have been avoided if they’d been calm, educated about the process.”
In the book, he writes, “Divorce is hell for the vast majority of people, but it doesn’t have to destroy you. With a successful divorce, you can emerge from the process safe and sane. People can rebuild their lives. Children do not have to be scarred for life, lacking in self-esteem.”
Mayoue says the statistics about divorce in the South drew his attention while he was doing research about divorce law. Southern divorce “is a problem we need to recognize.”
“What’s interesting about the South is that we’re the land of the Bible Belt and family values, but here we are divorcing at greater rates than other states. … It seems to be the ultimate incongruity.
“We think in the South that our family values are somehow superior to those in other places … but the truth is that your chances of staying married in New Jersey or Massachusetts are greater than in the South,” Mayoue says. Both states are among the nine with lowest divorce rates; Massachusetts, at 2.4 divorces per 1,000, has the lowest rate in the nation.
In the book, Mayoue refers to the theories of sociologists and demographers who contend the South’s “own brand of religious zeal” contributes to the divorce rate because such zeal promotes marriage as the ideal relationship.
“In the South, we believe God wants us to be married, no matter how young, poor or ill-prepared we may be.”
People go into marriage with little thought to the challenges they may face and without thinking through the commitment they’re making, Mayoue says. When the marriage fails, these people often blame themselves or believe they chose the wrong partner – but they continue to believe in true love and an ideal marriage.
So the once-divorced person remarries, again seeking the happily-ever-after. “And the remarriages work even less, statistically, than the first marriages,” Mayoue says.
Despite the numbers, divorce isn’t just a Southern problem, Mayoue says. “I really think that marriage as an institution is in great trouble in this country.”
Mayoue says the health of marriage began failing in 1969 when California became the first state to approve no-fault divorce, beginning a no-fault revolution across the nation. No-fault divorce means the filing party doesn’t have to accuse the other of something like adultery, abandonment or physical abuse to get a divorce. Those wanting a divorce can get one without assigning fault.
People saw no-fault divorce “literally as `This is my plane ticket out of this relationship.’ We, as a selfish society always decide there is something newer, shinier and nicer. … We’ve transposed this into our marriage relationships,” Mayoue says.
In the past few years, the federal and state governments have become increasingly concerned about the number of marriages that fail. In 1996, the Healthy Marriage Initiative was instituted at the federal Department of Health and Human Services to promote healthy marriages through education and counseling programs.
Several states have gone the route of trying to make marriages harder to dissolve. In 2001, the Arkansas Legislature passed a law promoted by Gov. Mike Huckabee that authorized covenant marriages. Louisiana had already legalized such unions in 1997. Arizona later passed a similar law.
Covenant marriage requires couples to undergo premarital counseling, sign an affidavit and promise to get more counseling if problems occur in the marriage. Couples choosing a covenant marriage also cannot divorce except in cases of “cruel and barbarous treatment,” which includes adultery, physical or sexual abuse, a felony conviction or abandonment. In such a case, they still have to wait 2 to 2 1/2 years to receive the divorce.
On Valentine’s Day, Huckabee will host a marriage-affirming event at Alltel Arena in North Little Rock. Organizers hope to attract thousands to the “Arkansas Celebration of Marriage,” which Huckabee had originally planned as a mass covenant marriage ceremony. Since then, plans have changed; only Huckabee and his wife, Janet, will be participating in a marriage ceremony. They’ll convert their traditional marriage into a covenant marriage.
Since the covenant law was enacted, it has been reported by the media that only about 600 covenant marriages have been performed in Arkansas (out of the approximately 40,000 marriages that occur each year). In Louisiana, the percentage of couples choosing covenant marriage is said to be about 2 percent; in Arizona, about 1 percent.
Something needs to be done to slow the rate of divorce, Mayoue says, but he doesn’t see covenant marriages as the answer. He also isn’t sure that the government should be involved in promoting marriage or teaching people how to have healthy marriages.
“I’m somewhat bothered by the concept of government marriage initiative,” he says. “Who are they going to promote as the teachers of these family values? Hopefully, it won’t be the politicians. Who do they think are equipped to teach us how to stay married?”
Mayoue doesn’t think it’s unusual or odd that a lawyer who makes his living from the dissolution of marriages should be concerned about the state of the institution. His goal as a divorce attorney is to help people who have thoroughly thought through their options and have decided divorce is the only answer for them.
At his law firm, potential clients are asked if they’ve undergone counseling or explored other options before making their decision. “We have lots of people that stay together after thinking about it.”
What does Mayoue suggest as a way to stem the divorce rate?
“I’m a believer in premarital counseling. That’s No. 1.”
Copyright 2005 Little Rock Newspapers, Inc.